Attachment Parenting

"To trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves...and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted." John Holt

Sunday 27 April 2014

Unschooling

We had an interesting discussion about unschooling on our facebook group page. I summarized it here.
The article we reacted was posted on 2 April 2014 here:
http://yes-i-can-write.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/unschooling-isnt-more-risky-its-just.html?m=1



In the UK you don't have to ask permission from anyone, because the law allows parents to retain full responsibility for their child's education. I treasure our laws in this area, because it's so clear. You could find area specific information on Facebook groups if/when you do move out of the UK.
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I don't teach, and I am not their teacher. I facilitate. I'm not trying to pass my knowledge to them, I'm trying to help them get knowledge for themselves - teaching isn't the means by which knowledge passes from person to person, LEARNING is, and that's an important distinction because my children are people in their own right (now) rather than future people or projects. Even in school, the person in control of what is learned and not learned is really the child. Trying to find ways to rob them of control is not as powerful as giving them more choices and more help to do what they already do as naturally as breathing.

What subjects or skills are needed in real life that a person would never come across in real life? If something isn't useful, it isn't used. If something is useful, it IS used, and children see it and imitate it and want to master it. All children strive. All children observe. All children learn. They can't help it; it's what human beings are.

In school, subjects are divorced from their purpose, so they seem purposeless. I hated maths and resented every bit I was forced to study. I learned no more than the basics any unschooled seven year old could tell you just from seeing numbers around them in the real world. At the end of my schooling I learned to manage money and reckon weights and measures. Now I use algebra in pattern design all the time. My kids use grid references to play games and notate landmarks in Minecraft. They make graphs to show me how they sorted their collections. They use mathematical thinking every day, without calling it maths. It isn't a pointless subject to them, because they have never been asked to study it. They have just been curious. Now, one of them loves numbers so much she worked out how to multiply fractions (at 6) without any help from me (I still can't multiply fractions).

Unschooling isn't just "not school", it's eliminating schoolish thinking too, so that we can learn and make real life choices without that programming (which almost everyone in our culture has). Unpicking the ways in which school inflitrated how we see the world is part of that, for the parents.  Unschooling is the specific style of home education that involves children making all of their own choices about what, and how, and when, to learn - it involves adult helpers facilitating and supporting and advising and offering, but not controlling, coercing, or teaching in any way. The main parental requirement for unschooling is willingness to genuinely take the child's choices seriously and pay attention to ways in which you can help (or get our own ego out of the way, as necessary).


Also, unschooling is definitely not the route for any parent who is not willing or able to give the time and attention necessary, or for any family in which the home environment is not safe and happy. If you have academic goals which you believe your child must meet to be worthy, unschooling will not work without unpicking that thinking. If you believe children need to be controlled externally, it's not for you. Every child is already an unschooler when allowed, but every parent is not! I was not, when my children were younger, and I was not prepared for how much it would change me to embrace their natural way of learning. Reading about unschooling made me actually angry to begin with! Who were these people to tell me that what I was doing was not helpful for my child's learning?! The key is to try *a little*, WATCH, wait, say yes one time you would have said no, not try to exchange the school in your head for a new set of rules.)


 I do still struggle with thinking I'm "bad at maths" or "good at English", but having a child who is gifted with numbers has helped a great deal. I'm not qualified to teach her, but I'm actually perfectly able to help her learn - even something I find really hard. In unschooling, and all parenting in general, I don't think children need someone who knows it all, has everything figured out already - they just need a real human being, someone a little more experienced than them at living, someone a little bit taller for reaching the high shelves, to help and support.
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I am (now) a fan of Sandra Dodd and how clearly she writes and how precisely she defines what she's talking about - you can read everything in her books, on her site http://sandradodd.com/ - Fair warning, she's one of the writers that really got my back up when Jenna was very small though (because she is always very to the point even when feelings are a little bruised, no apologies for bluntness and no fakey hearts and flowers, she just says, "take a break from reading and come back to the idea another time" haha)! Now I know her style I appreciate it a lot more. HELP is a great page on her site (it's the hub for the "how to" pages).




Author: Sarah Clarks


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